Attracting a man can be a lot easier once you understand the sciencebehind it.
Many of us think that attraction or liking someone is purely subjective, however, social psychologists have shown that there are five key factors that can significantly increase your chances of attracting men.
According to social psychologist Robert Cialdini, liking someone is based on –
- Physical attractiveness.
- Contact and Cooperation.
- Conditioning and Association.
You can be more successful at attracting men if you enhance some or all of the factors above.
Remember however, to only put in the work for a man who is worthy of your affections.
1. Physical Attractiveness
People are fond of saying,
“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
However, we all do. Social psychology studies show that we sub-consciously associate physically attractive people with positive traits including kindness, honesty, and intelligence. We may not realize that we are doing this, and we may even deny it, but tests show attractive people are viewed more favorably than their less attractive counterparts.
Attractive and well-groomed people are more likely to create a good impression during job interviews, they are more likely to get votes in an election, they are more likely to receive help, and have a greater ability to change someones opinion.
In fact, attractive women generally receive more help, even from other women.
The only case where this does not hold is when both women are in direct competition with each other, for example when vying for the attentions of the same man.
Therefore, to get your man, make sure that you are well dressed, and properly groomed. Get your hair styled professionally, because whatever your friends may tell you, scientific studies show that physical attractiveness matters.
Wear a dress that complements your body type and skin tone. Determine which physical aspects of yourself are most attractive and dress in such a way that you naturally draw eyes to those attractive features.
For example, if you want to draw eyes to your face, then make sure to wear looser, more neutral colored clothing. Style your hair up and away from your face, and make sure that you have tasteful but captivating make-up.
The second step to attracting your man is to find common ground. Psychologists have shown that we like people who are more similar to us. This may include shared background, culture, hobbies, food, movies, opinions or personality traits.
Car salesmen, for example, are trained to notice details about their customers such as camping gear or golf clubs in the trunk of their car. The clever salesman can then casually mention that he is going camping with his family this weekend, or that he will be leaving work early today to play some golf.
By establishing common ground, you increase the comfort level of your man and automatically make him like you more.
Before going out on a date with your man, do some research on him. Most of us have an online presence nowadays, so do some Google Searches and see what you can find about his hobbies, entertainment preferences, and opinions.
If you have mutual friends, you can also quiz them about him, but only do this if you are sure of their discretion. You do not want it getting back to him that you are too interested in his affairs. This will only make you seem like a stalker, and men usually like to think of themselves as doing the stalking.
Once you have found some good information about your man, do some research into his areas of interest. Pick ones that can lead to follow-up activities and ensure you future dates or get-togethers.
For example, if you discover that he is interested in Mexican food, you can buy a Mexican cookbook in advance. During dinner, briefly mention that you just got this really good cookbook and are trying to learn how to cook Mexican food.
If he likes watching horror movies, rent a few to watch on your own and talk about them with him during your date. Casually mention that you are planning to go on a scary movie outing with your friends this weekend, and invite him to join you.
Make sure that you are not too direct with these similarities because it will only make it seem like you are trying too hard or are too desperate for his attention. Instead, you want these similarities to come out casually, in a matter of fact way.
A friend once relayed to me, the story of how her boyfriend at the time, mentioned that he liked creme-brulee. Being the industrious woman that she is, she learned how to cook creme-brulee, and made a scrumptious home-cooked meal for him with all of his favorite foods.
Her boyfriend broke up with her soon after.
He thought that she was too needy and should find some activities of her own.
Therefore, you must be careful. Do not cater to your man, but do create some lucky coincidences where the both of you find yourselves engaged in a shared activity that you know he enjoys. He will be more attracted to you, and ask you out on future outings if you create those opportunities for him, and make it easy for him to say “Yes” to you.
“What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.”~~[George Bernard Shaw]
Flattery works – on both men and women. Even when the compliments are obvious or untrue, it still works.
Positive comments produced just as much liking for the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were true.~~[Excerpt from Influence by Robert Cialdini]
However, when trying to attract your man, always make sure that you are not too obvious. As with all the previous cases, if you use too many compliments and try too hard, it will seem like you are too needy or desperate for his attention. This is a big turn-off for men.
Do not spend all the time talking. Ask your man many questions, and listen to what he has to say. This information will help you in future dates and listening is a compliment in itself.
Remember that a woman who is willing to listen to a man talk is paying him the compliment of her beautiful attention.
“Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.”~~[Jack Woodford]
4. Contact and Cooperation
According to Cialdini, we are more comfortable with, and like things that are more familiar to us. The more times we are exposed to something, the more familiar we become with it, and the more we like it.
This is why people tend to fall in love with their schoolmates or office-mates. In fact, many of us end up spending more time with our office friends than with our significant others. Because of this greater contact, we may end up feeling like we have more in common with our work friends than with our spouse, whom we only see on weekends.
This is one of the key reasons why people cheat.
To attract your man, you want him to become familiar with you in a non-stressful and cooperative setting. Organized dates are fine but a date usually brings with it a variety of social pressures. Taking a group class together, for example, does not have the stress of a date and presents a cooperative activity that will help to increase familiarity and attraction.
Show an interest in your man’s hobbies and ask him to teach one of them to you. Pick something non-competitive, that you will be fairly good at. This provides an opportunity to get to know one another in a friendly setting.
Note that choosing a cooperative and non-competitive activity is extremely important because studies also show that contact in a high-stress, competitive setting will actually increase animosity rather than attraction towards you.
5. Conditioning and Association
You have probably seen those commercials of beautiful women with cars or beautiful women dancing and drinking beers. What do those beautiful women have in common with cars or beers? Not very much, except that the advertisers understand the psychological principle of association.
If we see an object, for example beer, that is associated with something else positive, such as a beautiful woman, we will naturally attribute that positive feeling onto the object or beer as well.
Much like the other levers of attraction, this is done subconsciously, so that we are not even aware of its effects on us. However, when you are at the grocery store, you will have a greater likelihood of picking the beer associated with the beautiful woman than some other brand
The same principle works with attracting your man.
Now this does not mean that you should invite a beautiful woman on your date with you, in the hopes of basking in her glory. This will not work because she will be competition, and your man will likely pay her, all of his attention.
However, you do want to associate yourself with activities, people, and environments, which your man views positively.
If he enjoys bowling, then go with him to his local bowling alley. Make sure to take some bowling lessons first so that you can further dazzle him with your bowling skills – just don’t beat him.
There you have it – five simple ways to attract men.
All you have to do is some research, a bit of grooming, and some planning.
This will put you ahead of the other women who may not be familiar with these techniques that have been proven to work, and to work well by expert social psychologists.
Good luck and have fun attracting men with your new found knowledge!
I love this. If only more guys were attracted to me. I usually get barely any. (Trust me, it’s not because I’m super ugly either…) Idk why. Maybe cuz I’m not aggressive enough?? Ha. Confusing, right?
I was searching for tips on how can i become attractive to my crush. Some points are really helpful but the thing which I liked over here is the number of picture profiles. Can you please tell me from where you have created such good pictures separately for each of post??
I have to admit I’m not the prettiest of girls but I try to look the best for the boy I like across the road from me. It’s hard but worth it.
Brook, the first thing you have to do is stop putting yourself down. Don’t tell yourself your not the prettiest girl and don’t compare yourself to others. Pick out things you like about yourself and tell yourself infront of a mirror daily ‘i am beautiful.’ it sounds silly but, it works. I didn’t think I was pretty and someone advised me to do that, it took a while for me to believe what I was saying but now I do. I personally learnt that the top thing that attracts guys is not short skirts and features like a cat walk model but, confidence. Love yourself first and confidence will come naturally.x
It does work! 😀 I probably don’t do it enough either but, what can u say? It’s sometimes a hard thing to love yourself. I feel it all the time. I usually am more insecure than I need to be. I do know guys rather like confidence that insecurity in a woman. We girls just gotta get out there and say, “I’m beautiful, so love me!” Ha, just kidding. You go girl!!! 😀
Great insightful and informative hub. Thanks for sharing these tips and outlook on getting a man or attracting one.