Attracting a man can be a lot easier once you understand the sciencebehind it.
Many of us think that attraction or liking someone is purely subjective, however, social psychologists have shown that there are five key factors that can significantly increase your chances of attracting men.
According to social psychologist Robert Cialdini, liking someone is based on –
- Physical attractiveness.
- Similarity.
- Compliments.
- Contact and Cooperation.
- Conditioning and Association.
You can be more successful at attracting men if you enhance some or all of the factors above.
Remember however, to only put in the work for a man who is worthy of your affections.
Source: Attract Men Pictures
1. Physical Attractiveness
People are fond of saying,
“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
However, we all do. Social psychology studies show that we sub-consciously associate physically attractive people with positive traits including kindness, honesty, and intelligence. We may not realize that we are doing this, and we may even deny it, but tests show attractive people are viewed more favorably than their less attractive counterparts.
Attractive and well-groomed people are more likely to create a good impression during job interviews, they are more likely to get votes in an election, they are more likely to receive help, and have a greater ability to change someones opinion.
In fact, attractive women generally receive more help, even from other women.
The only case where this does not hold is when both women are in direct competition with each other, for example when vying for the attentions of the same man.
Therefore, to get your man, make sure that you are well dressed, and properly groomed. Get your hair styled professionally, because whatever your friends may tell you, scientific studies show that physical attractiveness matters.
Wear a dress that complements your body type and skin tone. Determine which physical aspects of yourself are most attractive and dress in such a way that you naturally draw eyes to those attractive features.
For example, if you want to draw eyes to your face, then make sure to wear looser, more neutral colored clothing. Style your hair up and away from your face, and make sure that you have tasteful but captivating make-up.
2. Similarity
The second step to attracting your man is to find common ground. Psychologists have shown that we like people who are more similar to us. This may include shared background, culture, hobbies, food, movies, opinions or personality traits.
Car salesmen, for example, are trained to notice details about their customers such as camping gear or golf clubs in the trunk of their car. The clever salesman can then casually mention that he is going camping with his family this weekend, or that he will be leaving work early today to play some golf.
By establishing common ground, you increase the comfort level of your man and automatically make him like you more.
Before going out on a date with your man, do some research on him. Most of us have an online presence nowadays, so do some Google Searches and see what you can find about his hobbies, entertainment preferences, and opinions.
If you have mutual friends, you can also quiz them about him, but only do this if you are sure of their discretion. You do not want it getting back to him that you are too interested in his affairs. This will only make you seem like a stalker, and men usually like to think of themselves as doing the stalking.
Source: Young Love Pictures
Once you have found some good information about your man, do some research into his areas of interest. Pick ones that can lead to follow-up activities and ensure you future dates or get-togethers.
For example, if you discover that he is interested in Mexican food, you can buy a Mexican cookbook in advance. During dinner, briefly mention that you just got this really good cookbook and are trying to learn how to cook Mexican food.
If he likes watching horror movies, rent a few to watch on your own and talk about them with him during your date. Casually mention that you are planning to go on a scary movie outing with your friends this weekend, and invite him to join you.
Make sure that you are not too direct with these similarities because it will only make it seem like you are trying too hard or are too desperate for his attention. Instead, you want these similarities to come out casually, in a matter of fact way.
A friend once relayed to me, the story of how her boyfriend at the time, mentioned that he liked creme-brulee. Being the industrious woman that she is, she learned how to cook creme-brulee, and made a scrumptious home-cooked meal for him with all of his favorite foods.
Her boyfriend broke up with her soon after.
He thought that she was too needy and should find some activities of her own.
Therefore, you must be careful. Do not cater to your man, but do create some lucky coincidences where the both of you find yourselves engaged in a shared activity that you know he enjoys. He will be more attracted to you, and ask you out on future outings if you create those opportunities for him, and make it easy for him to say “Yes” to you.
3. Compliments
“What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.”~~[George Bernard Shaw]
Flattery works – on both men and women. Even when the compliments are obvious or untrue, it still works.
Positive comments produced just as much liking for the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were true.~~[Excerpt from Influence by Robert Cialdini]
However, when trying to attract your man, always make sure that you are not too obvious. As with all the previous cases, if you use too many compliments and try too hard, it will seem like you are too needy or desperate for his attention. This is a big turn-off for men.
Do not spend all the time talking. Ask your man many questions, and listen to what he has to say. This information will help you in future dates and listening is a compliment in itself.
Remember that a woman who is willing to listen to a man talk is paying him the compliment of her beautiful attention.
“Few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention.”~~[Jack Woodford]
4. Contact and Cooperation
According to Cialdini, we are more comfortable with, and like things that are more familiar to us. The more times we are exposed to something, the more familiar we become with it, and the more we like it.
This is why people tend to fall in love with their schoolmates or office-mates. In fact, many of us end up spending more time with our office friends than with our significant others. Because of this greater contact, we may end up feeling like we have more in common with our work friends than with our spouse, whom we only see on weekends.
This is one of the key reasons why people cheat.
To attract your man, you want him to become familiar with you in a non-stressful and cooperative setting. Organized dates are fine but a date usually brings with it a variety of social pressures. Taking a group class together, for example, does not have the stress of a date and presents a cooperative activity that will help to increase familiarity and attraction.
Show an interest in your man’s hobbies and ask him to teach one of them to you. Pick something non-competitive, that you will be fairly good at. This provides an opportunity to get to know one another in a friendly setting.
Note that choosing a cooperative and non-competitive activity is extremely important because studies also show that contact in a high-stress, competitive setting will actually increase animosity rather than attraction towards you.
5. Conditioning and Association
You have probably seen those commercials of beautiful women with cars or beautiful women dancing and drinking beers. What do those beautiful women have in common with cars or beers? Not very much, except that the advertisers understand the psychological principle of association.
If we see an object, for example beer, that is associated with something else positive, such as a beautiful woman, we will naturally attribute that positive feeling onto the object or beer as well.
Much like the other levers of attraction, this is done subconsciously, so that we are not even aware of its effects on us. However, when you are at the grocery store, you will have a greater likelihood of picking the beer associated with the beautiful woman than some other brand
The same principle works with attracting your man.
Now this does not mean that you should invite a beautiful woman on your date with you, in the hopes of basking in her glory. This will not work because she will be competition, and your man will likely pay her, all of his attention.
However, you do want to associate yourself with activities, people, and environments, which your man views positively.
If he enjoys bowling, then go with him to his local bowling alley. Make sure to take some bowling lessons first so that you can further dazzle him with your bowling skills – just don’t beat him.
There you have it – five simple ways to attract men.
All you have to do is some research, a bit of grooming, and some planning.
This will put you ahead of the other women who may not be familiar with these techniques that have been proven to work, and to work well by expert social psychologists.
Good luck and have fun attracting men with your new found knowledge!
Its amazing…..
Sme of them hv been tried by me too….blv me frnds its true nd really works a lot….
Interesting article but with quite reasonable tips on how to attract a man to yourself but i think that once you are looking cute and good outside you should also look nice inside, i mean having a good heart.
This is very true. Thanks for sharing.
very well done and I have to agree with you on them, and yes complimenting is not done enough by women to men and men really do appericate a great compliment
Awesome tips and advice! This is a fine article!!
Singing in karaoke bar helps a lot…. blv me ….:)
That is a great suggestion and would also make a great hub! Would be great to have a review of places to meet guys and the type of guys that you generally meet there.
For example bar vs. karaoke or dance club vs. karaoke.
Very interesting.
loved it..:)
Interesting psychological advice, neatly presented.
Here is another technique that works quite well. Get on your knees in front of him, place your hands on his front pockets, look up and smile at him and gently say “What can I do to make you feel better?” Almost always is effective.
Great article! I was a little surprised you didn’t mention eye contact.
Great Hub! All the points make sense. Thanks for sharing!
Hey there, Good great piece of advice here. Good one but I liked your article where you wrote about attracting a woman even more, no not because you didn’t write this one well but simply because I am a man and a straight man! And yes, as usual, I really liked the characters you created, they are so real life like!
This stuff is all well and good, however, in my personal first hand experience is that if all you are doing is putting on a show or an “act” to get your man, or your woman for that matter, in the long run the relationship will ultimately fail because you will lose interest in each other. Why? Because the similarities were faked to begin with and not genuine. You relationship will be as “genuine” in the long run as you are in the first place with your “partner to be.”
So therefore once you are done with the infatuation and the honey moon phase and you relax into the relationship once he or she finds out (and they will find out, all men aren’t stupid and neither are all women) anyway once they find out and sense this gradual change in you as you relax away from the “game” you had to play to get them, they are going to want out. They may not realize why at first, but this is why so many relationships ultimately fail. They may end up cheating, or just barely wanting to spend time together if they don’t just up and leave you in the first place. You will find your closeness turning into segregation over time.
Be yourself, be honest, and be genuine; and you will eventually attract your perfect partner if you are wise enough to see him or her when they come strolling along, and act on it.
Also just wanted to add: That’s not to say that these techniques aren’t effective when finding a partner. They are. I have tested them and they have worked in the past. These are not new ideas. They have been around a long time so you know they do work. But… Just make sure like I said, that you are genuine and honest about everything when applying these things. Never say you “love” bowling for example just to get him interested in you when really the truth is you couldn’t care less about bowling. Catch my drift? Because what is going to happen in 2 years? 5 years? Are you still going to want to go bowling? No… You’re going to be complaining to your friend on the phone like this “He is going bowling again. How lame. I hate bowling. I don’t really want to go…” Although similarities to have in common may seem trivial to some people… Having faked it up front and then taken it away will leave your partner feel like “something in the original spark you had together” is now gone. They may not even be able to pinpoint it. But it will bother them and make them feel like somehow you’ve drifted apart (in as many ways as were faked and then changed back in the first place)
You may say love is all that matters. Yeah well no, love is not all that matters. There is a lot more to a relationship than just love. I know, in an ideal world it “should be that simple” ha, wouldn’t that be grand? But sorry, it’s not.
Anyway to summarize, yes take from these “techniques” above but cautiously and only use them in a genuine way with things you honestly do find you have in common as well as be “real” with yourself and your potential long-term partner, and you will definitely hook up faster and stay together much longer.
Very nice article, Aya.
Hi Nick,
Thanks for your great words of advice. I think what you say is very true, and you said it very well. You can only ‘pretend’ for so long.
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then you must take into account whether you would be willing to change in the long-term for someone you really care about. Usually this is not possible if you have strong feelings about something, e.g. if you hate bowling. However, if you are neutral about it, then compromise is always possible.
To make a long-term relationship work, one must be open to compromise and change.
When I have relationship issues, I just evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship. If the pros outweigh the cons, then I will consider how I can change to make things better. If it is the other way around, then it may be time to end the relationship. It is generally not a good idea to base a relationship on the expectation of change from one’s partner.
Ok, I am going off-topic now, but human relationships are always very interesting 🙂 Maybe I will write another article on long-term relationships.
Thanks for dropping by Nick.
Some of these tips actually worked on me, as I’m a sucker for flattery from women. But being the one that’s getting hit on isn’t necessarily a bad thing for a change. You have such amazing and entertaining articles by the way.
Great article. Similarity is very important, especially similar sense of humor. My bf and I always make each other laugh and that’s probably the main reason why we’re so attracted to each other. 🙂
Laughter is definitely very important. Nothing worse than being with someone who does not get your sense of humor, or does not have a sense of humor at all. I went on some dates with some men like that and it was pretty terrible – lol.
Wouldn’t it pretty much work for attracting women, too? We are both human at the end 😉
Misha! Yes it definitely will! I am planning to write another article about that.
How are you? I read your latest article btw. I would have left a comment but everything was already said by then, so I just gave you a thumbs up and a virtual kiss 😉
I am fine, thank you Aya-Chan, but home alone. I won’t mind a real kiss from you too, when are you going to stop by? 😉
Aya, I also read that a man is more likely to ask a woman out, if his adrenaline is up. They did a study where an attractive woman was a check point at the beginning of a walking suspension bridge and then redid it with the woman at the other end of the bridge. The men were twice as likely to ask this woman out after going across the bridge. So one could take up dangerous sports to increase their odds!
That is a great point RB! I forgot all about that study. I also read it in the book “Tipping Point”.
lol – probably so. Or a scary movie can often do the trick too 🙂 Great addition – I will definitely have to include it.
Hi Ya, Aya! I think you have some great advice here, and to a degree, much of it can be applied to men attracting women. You always present a detailed and well-rounded article. Kudo’s to you for that!
You are exactly right! I am planning to write another article on how to attract women that is based on the same principles. 🙂
Hi Aya!
If some guy broke up with your friend because she cooked his favorite foods then she wasn’t the one who should think of making some changes! I mean really-people shouldn’t go around worrying that if they show some basic kindness like cooking someones favorite food that they might get dumped!
If this getting back to him might make you look like a stalker then this is the behavior I wouldn’t do. This is the behavior that can make you look needy. Just let it flow- be natural. If the guy doesn’t like you without all the hidden research then he wasn’t the right guy anyway.
Insightful Hub!!!
lol – yes that guy had some issues. Still, I think men prefer their women to be not overly accommodating 🙂 There is a great story in the Joy Luck Club that shows this.
Heh – up to a point I think that is true. However, I truly believe that one can significantly increase their odds by doing a little research. Some men may even find it flattering. But as with all other things, balance is key 🙂 There is another fun movie – “The Black Widow” – that shows the power of doing a bit of research.
Hi Aya! You seem to be an authority on this subject. The last hub of yours which I read was about attractive women and that was superb. These pictures are amazing. Fortunately for me, I never had to learn how to attract men. On the contrary, I had to master the skills of ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days.’ LOL
LOL – Yes that can sometimes be more than a bit scary. And no, I am definitely not an authority, but I do enjoy increasing my understanding of men. They can be a fascinating species 😉