Attracting women can often be very challenging, especially if there are many suitors vying for the lady’s attention. Indeed, many men may give up because they think they are too poor, or too plain.
While physical attractiveness and money certainly elevates your chances of attracting a woman, they are not the only things that matter. There is actually ascience behind attracting women. Understanding this science will help to improve your success with women.
In the book Influence, Robert Cialdini laid out five aspects of social attraction –
- Physical attractiveness.
- Contact and Cooperation.
- Conditioning and Association.
You can be more successful at attracting women if you enhance some or all of the factors above.
1. Good Grooming
There is no denying that physical attractiveness matters while trying to woo a woman.
In fact, social psychology studies show that we sub-consciously associate physically attractive people with positive traits including kindness, honesty, and intelligence. Often, we may deny this, but the fact remains that we have been conditioned through evolution and popular media to value external beauty.
The details of what is considered handsome or beautiful may change from culture to culture and from time to time, but the fact remains that appearance will always play a key role while trying to attract a woman.
Physically attractive and well groomed men are more likely to receive help, more likely to make a good impression, and more likely to succeed with women.
While trying to attract women, make sure you are well dressed, and properly groomed. Men tend to sweat a lot more than women, and a smelly, sweaty man is a big turn-off. Therefore, make sure you not only look good, but also smell good.
Apply antiperspirant and cologne as appropriate. Make sure to take a shower before you dress, and do not use too much cologne. Visit locations that are cool or have air-conditioning so that you present yourself in the best light.
If you are sticky and sweaty, your date will not want to come near you no matter how handsome you may look.
Another way to enhance your chances with women is to look for similarities.
Studies show that we like people who are more similar to us. For example, when in a group, we will tend to mix with people who share similar background, culture, hobbies, food, movies, opinions or personality traits.
By establishing common ground, you increase the comfort level of your date and automatically make her like you more.
Before going out with the woman of your dreams, do your homework. Visit your woman’s Facebook, mySpace, or HubPages profile and learn a bit more about her. Do some Google Searches and see what you can find about her hobbies, entertainment preferences, and opinions.
Casually quiz mutual friends about her interests but be sure not to cross the line between admirer to obsessed stalker.
Make your woman feel special, unique, and attractive by keeping your eyes and attention always on her during the date. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a guy with an active roving eye who cannot even give a woman the courtesy of his attention.
By constantly looking at other women you are telling your date that she is not as interesting or pretty as the other women around you.
In addition, remember that flattery works! Even when the compliments are obvious or untrue, it still works.
Positive comments produced just as much liking for the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were true.
~~[Excerpt from Influence by Robert Cialdini]
However, be careful not to be too direct with your words. Telling a woman that her ample breasts set your loins on fire may not be what she wants to hear. To you, that may seem like flattery, but to the woman that is just another man crassly expressing his own need to use her body.
Set yourself apart by making sure that your flattery is indeed flattery from a woman’s point of view. If you want to compliment her on her appearance, do not be generic so that your praises may apply to any woman in the room. Be as specific as you can and weave her eyes, hair, beautiful dress, and voice into the poetry of your words.
Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
The aim of flattery is to soothe and encourage us by assuring us of the truth of an opinion we have already formed about ourselves.
~~[Dame Edith Sitwell]
Do not spend all the time talking. Ask your date many questions, and listen to what she has to say. Women like talking, so getting your date to talk about herself is paying her the wonderful compliment of your handsome attention.
4. Contact and Cooperation
According to Cialdini, we are more comfortable with, and like things that are more familiar to us.
The more contact a woman has with a man, the more familiar she becomes with him, and the more likely she will be attracted to him.
This is why people tend to fall in love with their schoolmates or office-mates. Many of us spend more time at our office than at home. As a result, we sometimes feel like we have more in common with our work friends than with our spouse, whom we only see on weekends.
This is one of the key reasons why people cheat.
To attract a woman, make sure there is frequent contact. Invite her on group outings so that you get to spend time with her in a non-stressful and cooperative setting. Find out what her hobbies are and join her on some of the activities that she loves most.
However, make sure to pick a cooperative and non-competitive activity. While it is true that contact and cooperation can enhance attractiveness, studies also show that contact in a high-stress, competitive setting will actually encorage animosity rather than attraction towards you.
5. Conditioning and Association
Why are there so many beautiful women in television commercials? What do these beautiful women have to do with chocolate, cell-phones, or beer? Not very much, except that the advertisers understand the psychological principle of association.
If we see an product, for example beer, that is associated with something positive, such as a beautiful woman, we will naturally attribute that positive feeling onto the product as well.This happens subconsciously so we may not even be aware of it. However, the next time we go to the store to buy beer, we will likely pick the brand that is associated with the beautiful beer babes,
Association can also help you with attracting women.
In general, you want the girl of your dreams to associate you with happy, positive feelings. Taking her on a vacation is a good way to help strengthen a positive association. When a woman already has a positive association with a certain location or place, some of that positive good feeling will transfer to you as well.
That is why gifts can also work. Gifting a woman with flowers, chocolates, or something else that she views positively will get her to associate those positive feelings with you. By the same token, gifts only work if the recipient truly desires what is given.
To get the biggest bang for your buck, listen to your woman carefully so that you truly understand her heart’s desire.
When trying to attract women, it is good to be rich and handsome. However, those things are not necessary if you understand the science behind attraction and use it to your advantage. If you have a plan and are willing to do some research, grooming, and listening, you will be well on your way to becoming a successful Don Juan.
Good luck and have fun. But the art of attracting women is also about timing.
You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.
~~[Excerpt from Gambler by Kenny Rogers]