In HubPages, each author has a hubscore prominently shown on the bottom right corner of their profile picture. Hubscores range from 1-100 with 100 being the best, and 1 being the worst.
This made me think about online scores in general, and in particular about online dating scores.
“Love has no boundaries“.
Maybe love does not, but dating and relationships certainly do.
Even though we like to think otherwise, we almost always date people who are from the same social rank or class as us. Most of the people that I have dated share the same education, religion, political affiliation. financial status, and social status as I do.
This is why online dating sites use these properties to calculate their match criteria, or more crudely put, their online dating scores.
Indeed this scoring system is normal and built into any dating process.
We are more compatible with those who are similar to us, and there is a higher likelihood that we will beattracted to them. After all, these educational, religious, political, financial, and social choices are the choices that we have made for ourselves, so presumably we think that they are better than the alternatives.
Online dating sites use these match criteria to help you pick potential mates because they generally work well. In online dating sites there are many participants who come from all walks of life, with a large range of backgrounds, beliefs, and social standing.
Filtering on some criteria is absolutely necessary to cull the herd.
Online Dating Score
When you consider online dating from a rational standpoint, it makes sense to date within your score class.
After all, if you date below your score, then are you not selling yourself short?
Everybody has a mental model of their own intrinsic value that is probably based on beauty, intellect, money, fame, charisma, social skills, technical skills, and much more. These are the attributes that we consciously or unconsciously use to evaluate others as well.
Different people will have different priorities as to which attributes are the most important, and indeed some people may apply different priorities to themselves than they apply to their chosen mates.
However, for an online dating transaction to succeed, both parties must agree on the price/score, and that is why most people date within their own score class.
Dating within your score need not always mean that you and your partner are equal in all attributes.
You can trade off one attribute for another. For example, older, successful men often date younger beautiful women. In this case, the man is trading off success, for beauty and the woman is trading off beauty, for success.
Online Dating Scores and Social Pressures
However, even in cases where these trade offs are equitable and successful, one is still open to much criticism when perceived to be dating outside of one’s rank.
“She is just an air-head and a trophy wife; not at all worthy of a successful man.”
Successful men are a success because they are good at making effective life decisions, so I would not worry about their decision making capabilities with regards to their choice of women. They are getting something in return for what they are giving up. It is just a difference in priorities.
Our online dating score priority may change as we get older, and as our own circumstances and temperaments change. For example, many men go through “mid life crises” that temporarily or permanently change their relationship priorities.
This is sometimes why people divorce, cheat, or break up from bad relationships. Their priorities of valued attributes have changed, or their own attributes have changed and they no longer match their partner in dating score.
Dating Above Your Score
Since we are opportunistic beings, we will always be looking to date above our own score.
In fact, the more we date above our score, the better our ability to raise our own ranking. But since bothparties in the dating transaction will generally be trying to accomplish this…
Is dating above your score even possible?
Indeed it is. A transaction, including an online dating transaction, is never equal on both sides. Each side has imperfect information about the other. Each side may be in different emotional states, which can affect their decision making process. Proper marketing and communication can also do much to inflate your perceived online dating score.
However, dating above your rank is always a risk, because it is generally predicated on an artificial online dating score of one or both parties.
The factors that contribute to these artificial dating scores may change quickly, even in the short term, and this will lead to difficulties in the relationship. Your partner may discover more information about you. Your partner may get over his/her previous bad relationship and may no longer feel as vulnerable. Your partner may discover that you are all talk and no action, all shell and no substance.
If you continuously date above your score, and continuously fail, this may seriously affect your self esteem, which will cause a fall in your own dating scores.
Raising Your Online Dating Score
Online dating scores are based on many attributes but they all can be grouped into three key categories –what you have, how you look, and who you are.
The more resources you have, the higher your online dating score. You can increase your dating score by getting the education and skills needed for acquiring these resources. When you are young, you generally have fewer resources, which results in a lower online dating score.
Once you finish school, and get a nice-paying job, your dating score increases significantly. In fact, some professionals who marry early will leave their spouse after a time, because their dating score may now be much higher than that of their spouse. Marriage laws in certain countries help to mitigate this disparity.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover“.
We shouldn’t; yet many of us do. We can’t help it. It is in our DNA.
The more attractive or beautiful you are, the higher your online dating score. Part of how you look is based on what you are born with, but there is much that you can do to either enhance or degrade what nature has given you. That is why cosmetics, clothes, dieting, and cosmetic surgery are such big money making businesses.
Finally, what is on the inside also matters, including personality, charm, and charisma. This is also an area where you can change and improve. Positive communication, self confidence, and tasteful humor will all help to raise your online dating score.