Seems easy enough to understand and follow. Yet most of us are unable to keep this simple rule straight in our heads when it comes to the stock market.

Why is that? Why does our instinct tell us to buy stocks when prices are high and to sell stocks when prices are low.

There are two key reasons for this –social proof and scarcity.

1. Stock Market Psychology – Social Proof

It is human nature to look to others to determine the best course of action for ourselves. If we look outside and see people wearing shorts, we assume that the weather is warm and will switch to wearing shorts. If we see cars ahead start to change lanes, we will try to change lanes as well, in anticipation of an upcoming road block or accident.

If we see others getting rich by buying stocks, then it must be a good time to buy. The same goes for when everyone else is selling.

Social proof alone however, does not create such a strong effect that we will act so contrary to our own interests. The other key force at play is scarcity.

Stock Market Psychology – Why We Buy High and Sell Low

2. Stock Market Psychology – Scarcity

Stock Market Psychology – Scarcity

In his book Influence, scarcity is the last of six weapons of influence described by Robert Cialdini. It was probably saved for last because of the strength of its effects.

We all have a natural tendency to want things that are in short supply. The more rare an item, the greater its value because few will be able to possess it. Not only do we want a scarce item more, but we will make up reasons for why we want it so. Studies show that scarce items are consistently rated more highly or more favorably than their more abundant counterparts.

We think that cookies taste better when we are only given two, compared to ten.

Similarly, we will rush in and buy stocks at $10 because we are afraid that in a short time they will only be available for $12, $15, or much more. We must buy it now, because this price may not be available for much longer. That is why when the stock market is rising, we feel a great need to jump in and buy, buy, buy.

As the market rises, stocks at lower prices become more and more scarce, which creates more buying, which makes them more scarce, and on and on it goes until the music stops.

“Irrational exuberance.” ~~[Alan Greenspan]

And we have not even explored the full power of scarcity yet. According to Cialdini, there are two other effects that make the scarcity rule even stronger – 1) Loss, and 2) Competition.

As the market rises, stocks at lower prices become more and more scarce, which creates more buying, which makes them more scarce, and on and on it goes until the music stops.

Scarcity and Loss

I think we have all experienced this, many times; in all areas of our life. We appreciate something most after losing it. Girlfriends, lovers, our freedoms, a chocolate chip cookie, and yes, definitely also money.

We like making money, but we hate losing money a lot more.

That is why when there is a large drop in the stock market and we have lost a lot of money, we are shy about buying more. Once we have lost, we want to hold on to what we have for fear of losing more.

This makes us most likely to buy when prices are high, because we have lost nothing and have gained much (at least on paper). Similarly we are likely to sell or at the very least, not buy, when prices are low.

Scarcity and Loss

Scarcity and Competition

The other aspect of scarcity has to do with competition. When we are in direct competition with others for a limited item, the power of scarcity kicks into really high gear.

This is when we must absolutely have it, whatever it is; not because we need it, but because we must not lose it to others. Not to that staring lady by the corner, or to that arrogant looking, business-suited wannabe.

And as we all know, competition is the cornerstone of the stock market.

When prices are high, we are most compelled to buy because that is the time when there is most competition for a stock. We must get it now before someone else gets it and makes money that should be ours.

When prices are low, we are compelled to sell because we do not want to lose the opportunity of getting rid of our crap to someone else.

Scarcity and Competition

Buy High and Sell Low

Buy High and Sell Low

Why do so many people lose money on the stock market?

Because the rules of scarcity and social proof are steering us to buy high, and sell low. In this case, we are our own worst enemies.

Now that we understand the psychological forces arrayed against us, is it possible to counter those forces?

Cialdini suggests two ways to counter scarcity –

1. Think before you act, and
2. Remind yourself that the utility of the item remains the same, no matter the scarcity, loss, or competition.

How to Even the Odds

Think before you act.

When we feel ourselves getting caught up in the emotion of the stock market, we must stop ourselves from buying or selling anything. Decisions that are made in haste, are usually decisions that we will regret later on.

I have made many stock trades in haste, and now, I will only buy or sell after I have carefully thought through it.

This is why many experts encourage investors to have a strategy. When you are swept up by the powerful forces of scarcity, you can fall back on your strategy. Before making a stock trade, simply ask yourself this – Does this trade fit into my long-term stock trading strategy? If not, then you must walk away.

How to Even the Odds

Item utility remains unchanged.

When we are swept up by the power of scarcity, Cialdini suggests that we remember this –

The item we now want more than ever, has not fundamentally changed. The utility we derive from it also has not changed, just our need to possess it.

Stocks however, are not like regular items, in that their utility actually does change. We cannot eat stocks, or use them in any tangible way. We either buy them as a long-term investment, or hope to make some short term money through a quick trade. For short term trades, the utility of the item, i.e., the amount of money that can be made is actually dependent on the short term demand surrounding it.

The more competition there is, the higher price you can sell at in the short-term.

This short term demand, as we have laid out, is based on social proof and scarcity. In this case we want to encourage greater scarcity, social proof, and whatever else we can throw at it to drive prices further up, so that we can make some short term profits. There are also many so-called experts who will appear on television and tout particular stocks in order to artificially inflate their values so that they themselves can make a quick sale.

In this way, the more competition there is, the higher price you can sell at in the short-term, and the more money you will make.

And that is why trading is very much different from investing. When you make short-term trades, it is important to understand the psychology behind the stock market, and to use that psychology to your short-term advantage.

If you are a long-term investor, you want to be aware of these short-term tricks that people may pull on you, in order to psychologically manipulate you to buy at too high a price, or sell at too low a price.

Whether you are a stock investor, stock trader, or just a side heckler, I highly recommend the book Influence by Robert Cialdini. It reveals to us much about ourselves, and shows us where we are most vulnerable to external manipulation.

What do you think of playing the stock market?

Is Facebook the Devil in disguise? Why?

Is Facebook the Devil?
Source: Masquerade Pictures. Art by ShibaShake.

1. Facebook lowers the productivity of our nation or even that of the world

Facebook lowers the productivity of our nation.

The hard-working American worker is under siege. The perpetrator? Facebook. Workers pulling all-nighters hunched over their computer screens may just be social networking on Facebook. The problem, in fact, is worse than it first appears. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that Facebook may be costing Australian businesses $5 billion per year.

Could Facebook also be the reason for our current economic crisis, massive national debt, and falling GDP? The verdict is still out.

Some may remember that the same arguments were used against electronic mail and instant messaging. Now, they are touted as tools for increasing productivity. I suppose the verdict will be out until the next innovative idea/scapegoat comes along.

2. Facebook exposes our children to smut

Who will protect our children from evil-doers like Facebook, who is constantly shoving smut and inappropriate content into their young, and innocent faces. We are beginning to see a collapse in our society’s moral values as evidenced by the increase in crimes committed by minors. We are indeed at the beginning of the end.

The price of freedom of speech and information is having to deal with things that we may not agree with, may not like, and may not deem appropriate. Smut has been around since time immemorial – before Facebook, before HubPages, before the internet, and before television.

Who will protect the children? Parents, teachers, and other responsible adults in the child’s life. Spend quality time with your child on the internet and direct them towards constructive pursuits; there are many.

Facebook exposes our children to smut.
Source: Red Devil Pictures

3. Facebook disconnects us from the real-world

And does Facebook really connect people? Doesn’t it rather disconnect us, since instead of doing something enjoyable such as talking and eating and dancing and drinking with my friends, I am merely sending them little ungrammatical notes and amusing photos in cyberspace, while chained to my desk? A friend of mine recently told me that he had spent a Saturday night at home alone on Facebook, drinking at his desk. What a gloomy image. Far from connecting us, Facebook actually isolates us at our workstations.

~~ Excerpt from “With Friends Like These …” by Tom Hodgkinson, The Guardian, Monday January 14 2008.

If you go to Tom’s page, he announces in his Web Feed that he has given up electronic mail as of March 7th, 2007. There will always be people like this who have never used Facebook, and are probably uncomfortable with the notion of the internet.

From my own experiences with Facebook, Hubpages, and others, participating in these online communities actually help with social disconnect issues. For example on Hubpages, many users talk about facing alienation in real life. Sharing their stories, and getting support from an online community, helps with that alienation.

Any technology can be misused. A bad addiction to online communities may alienate a person from the “real-world” and in the worst case, bring about grave, real-world, consequences. Such cases, however, are extremely rare, which is perhaps why they are so news-worthy; like human deaths resulting from dog attacks.

Just because some bad can happen, does not mean we should stop using it. Car accidents happen a lot more frequently, but last time I checked, cars are still in use.

Facebook disconnects us from the real-world.

4. Facebook exposes us to stalkers

Facebook is stalker heaven. Remember the ex-boyfriend that never really got over you?; well your every move is now open to him with just a few clicks and a Facebook account.

To share in the benefits of a community, we must share a part of ourselves. If we use sound judgement on what information we publicize, the danger of an online stalking, which is already small to begin with, becomes negligible.

Are we fully protected? No.

Just as we are never fully protected in real life. But that does not mean we should become social hermits. The benefits of belonging to an online community, such as Facebook, often outweigh the dangers.

If you do not feel that is the case, you are free to not participate in Facebook, electronic mail, and the internet in general.

Facebook exposes us to stalkers.

5. Facebook causes us social stress and emotional pain

This New York Times article describes how people endure greater social stress and emotional pain as a result of Facebook.

Many users may feel pressured into accepting “friend invites” from people whom they may not regard as friends. Others are pressured into a popularity contest where they must madly gather as many friends as possible so as not to lose to their peers. And finally, Facebook makes breaking up extremely hard to do.

Facebook users describe in gory detail how losing an ex becomes a public embarrassment because now, it is plastered all over Facebook. To add insult to injury, the victim is tortured with minute-to-minute updates of their ex’s successful social calendar.

I do not know about you, but this really sounds like high school all over again.

Socially awkward situations occur in real life, and so do popularity contests. Facebook is a social tool that may be used in a variety of ways, including those listed above. It is true, that a large social network, like Facebook, may exacerbate some of these awkward and sometimes painful social situations, but it really comes down to how you choose to use it.

For example, users may choose not to publish their “relationship status”. Removing ex’s from your friends list is only a click away and you can always take a vacation from Facebook and join Hubpages.

Facebook causes us social stress and emotional pain.

6. Facebook tracks our personal information and uses it for nefarious purposes

All the information you enter into Facebook, including your name, address, e-mail address, interests, job history, education history, relationship status, and much more may be turned against you and used to profit multi-national conglomerates. You may not realize this but by using Facebook and agreeing to their Terms of Service, you are signing away your identity.

The multi-nationals will monetize your friendships, wreak your life, and who knows what else.

This is an old argument. Information is collected about us whenever we use any online service including search engines such as Google and Yahoo!. In fact, even if we were internet virgins, we would still be tracked.

We may not think about this, but a lot of our personal information is already a matter of public record; including our name, social security number, date of birth, housing history, marriage history, etc. The information may be kept in different government agencies, but companies have developed technology to integrate all this information together and are selling it to those multi-national conglomerates.

With, or without Facebook, “real privacy” is a thing of the past.

With, or without Facebook, “real privacy” is a thing of the past.

Is FaceBook the Devil?

MizB sums it up very well –

“In a few months, we will be commenting on the next “Devil”…but really, lets be honest with ourselves. That “devil” resides in our self indulgence, and not on our computer screens.“

~~[MizB]

While some of the extreme arguments against Facebook may sometimes seem silly, there is an important underlying issue that we should keep bringing up and keep discussing.

David Brin captures this well in his book, The Transparent Society.

In the Information Age to come, cameras and databases will sprout like crocuses — or weeds — whether we like it or not. Over the long run, we as a people must decide.

Can we stand living exposed to scrutiny… our secrets laid open… if in return we get flashlights of our own, that we can shine on anyone who might do us harm? Even the arrogant and strong?

Or is an illusion of privacy worth any price, even surrendering our own right to pierce the schemes of the powerful?

There are no easy answers, but asking questions can be a good first step.

.~~ [Excerpt from The Transparent Society by David Brin]

Is FaceBook the Devil?
Source: http://shibashake.com/blog-art

Sadly, they seem to be a constant fixture in any social group. It does not matter what age we are, what job we have, where we went to school, what we own, or what we know. If we participate in any social group, we are bound to meet some bullies.

Not all bullies are equal. Some are more vicious and effective than others.

Not all social groups are equal. Some attract more bullies than others.

The workplace, for example, is a frequent bully hangout. This is because bully strategies are often encouraged and rewarded in the workplace.

Online forums are also a breeding ground for bullies because of the same reasons. Learn more about why hurtful words from a bully can be so painful.

The Forum Bully – Why Are There So Many Online Bullies?

What is a Forum Bully?

Bullying is about power and dominance. In online forums, bullies use words to intimidate, isolate, and degrade their victims.

Bullies are generally easy to pick out. Here are some common forum bully traits –

• Bullies use unsubstantiated personal attacks to denigrate their victims. Often, they make fun of their victim’s intelligence, get everyone to laugh at him, and in doing so isolates and degrades their target. In this way, their victim is neutralized, and serves as a strong reminder to everyone of the bully’s power. Bullies rule through fear.
• Bullies usually attack weak or new targets. The best way to get yourself into a bully’s little black book of horrors is to appear weak, uncertain, and emotionally vulnerable. New members to a social group are also a bully’s favorite because they are new, unproven, and do not yet have a support system. They are alone – and therefore easier to hunt-down and kill.

What is an Forum Bully?

Forum bullies hate being challenged and they hate losing.

• Bullies hate being challenged and they hate losing. Another quick way to get yourself into the black book of horrors is to publicly challenge a bully, especially a head bully. A bully’s power rests in his ability to control others through fear. If they are challenged and they lose, it will significantly erode their power. As a result, they will use excessive force to defeat public challenges.
• Bullies usually hunt in packs. There is safety and strength in numbers. As we said before, bullies hate losing, so they try to go for a sure kill.
• Bullies are afraid of strength. If they spot strong new members to the community, they will first try to recruit them. If that fails, they will usually leave them alone. Strong targets are risky and usually end up costing the bully more than he gains.
• Bullies are in-love with themselves. They have little to no empathy, and are only interested in their own activities, and their own power. A bully may help others who are in his gang, or help other respected members of the community, but only for his own advancement and glory.

Forum bullies are afraid of strength.

Why Be a Forum Bully?

Bullying is popular in online forums, and other online social groups because –

• The internet is largely anonymous. Studies show that when we are anonymous, we feel less inhibited. For example, when we wear a costume and cover up our face with a mask, we feel more free to take risks. The internet allows us all to easily put on a mask and outfit. Being anonymous creates more freedoms and removes judgement based on physical appearance, race, income, and more. However, it also allows us to escape responsibility for our actions, including verbal abuse and bully behavior. Many forum bullies use the internet as a release mechanism for their real-world anger or frustration. Since they cannot shout at their boss, co-workers, or neighbors without real-world consequences, they take their frustrations out in an anonymous online forum, where there are no real consequences for their anti-social behavior.
• Negative interactions get more attention. Human nature is such that we respond more quickly and more strongly to negative comments. In this way, forum bullies are the ones that get the most attention and the most followers. This online attention positively reinforces the bullying behavior, which causes more bullying to occur. Today, many people are trying to make money online through advertising. Getting forum attention generates more buzz, this gets them more traffic, which translates into more money.

Why Be an Online Bully?

How to Fight Forum Bullies

How to Fight Online Bullies

Our instinct is to fight fire with fire, to fight the negative by returning it in kind. However, that is a losing battle.

One of the key reinforcers for the forum bully is attention.

It does not matter to him whether it is negative or positive attention as long as it is attention. By responding, we are giving the bully what he wants. In addition, by giving an emotional, negative response, we are letting the bully know that he has gotten under our skin.

1. Do not let forum bullies affect you.

Forum bullies are the scum of the Earth and they deserve nothing from us – not our attention, not our time, and certainly not our emotional well-being. One of the best ways to deal with online bullies is to hit the delete button. If we cannot delete their comment in fact, then simply delete it from our consciousness and move on.

Forum bullies are after attention so they may try to egg you on by further calling you names, calling you a coward, and raging on in a negative fashion. They will try to bring you down to their own sad level of existence.

Delete, ignore, and a bully will shout himself out, like a young child throwing a tantrum. Hopefully, he will learn from this experience and find more productive activities with which to fill his time. Otherwise, he will simply continue to fritter his time away in negative pursuits, which will hurt him a lot more than it hurts us.

Do not let forum bullies affect you.

2. Report bullies to the forum administration.

The best way to create a healthy social environment is to report bullying behavior to the administration. In this way, the bullying is quickly stopped, and we can all get back to productive and constructive discussions, that actually involve the exchange of information.

We want to stop bullying and pointless personal attacks because it will quickly ruin a perfectly good online community. If the community forum gets taken up with mostly tit-for-tat type shouting, nobody in their right mind would want to visit, much less participate.

Many people act as if reporting bullying behavior is somehow cowardly, or is a suppression of free-speech. That is not the case at all. Bullying should be stopped because it is bad for the health of a community, and it clogs up the information channels with useless, pointless, and negative bickering. Bullying and personal attacks are not free-speech, rather it is verbal abuse. If we care about the community, we should all do our part to stop forum bullying.

We are often very affected by our surrounding social environment. The more bullying there is, the more bullying it will attract. If we create an environment that is unfriendly to bullying, then these online thugs will go somewhere else to spread their particular form of decay and rot.

3. Fight fire with water.

It is a big waste of time to interact with forum bullies. However, if we feel compelled to converse with our friendly online thug, then the only way to fight negative verbal attacks is by dispelling it with humor and positive energy. Rehabilitating a forum bully will take a lot of patience and a lot of positive energy. There is little point to it unless we are applying for Sainthood.

It is a big waste of time to interact with forum bullies.

Are You a Forum Bully?

Most of us do not think of ourselves as bullies. We are all heroes in our own minds, and a bully is no exception. In fact, many bullies see themselves as a fearless fighter for God, Country, and the path to Righteousness. The truth is, there is a forum bully in every one of us.

• Sometimes we get angry, and we lash back at others.
• Sometimes we get hurt, and we lash back at others.
• Sometimes we are busy, and do not realize that we have said something hurtful or negative.

The key though is to recognize those negative actions and to take steps to correct them. When we commit negative acts and bullying behavior, we not only hurt others, but actually end up hurting ourselves most.

Are You a Forum Bully?

You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.—Matthew 5:38–42, NIV

Today, many of us see nonresistance or nonviolence as a weakness. After all, if we turn the other cheek, we may just keep getting slapped. Therefore, we are encouraged to slap back and show strength. Bullies try to turn everyone into their likeness by calling us cowards for not resorting to verbal violence.

I used to think that “turning the other cheek” was a weakness. After all, why should I spare pain to a bully when he seems to have no concern for me or others. It was not until later that I realized that “cheek turning” is not really for the bully, but for me.

Negative energy infects, and bullies carry negative energy like plague ridden fleas. The way to combat this particular plague is not by spreading more negative energy. Rather, we want to dispel the negativity with positive energy or just ignore the flea and use plenty of repellent.

When we commit negative acts and bullying behavior, we not only hurt others, but actually end up hurting ourselves most.

In fact, what we consider to be attractive hair styles today, is strongly influenced by religious text and sometimes political context.

“Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.” ~~[1 Corinthians 11:14-15]

Even today, it is much more socially acceptable for men to wear their hair short. Similarly, it is usually considered more attractive for women to keep their hair long. Short hair is commonly looked upon as a masculine trait, while long hair is considered a feminine trait.

Long Hair or Short Hair - Which Do You Prefer?

Long Hair or Short Hair?

Long Hair or Short Hair?

In my informal Attractive Women Survey –

• Only 5% of respondents picked short hair as being attractive on women.
• In contrast, a whopping 70% prefer long hair, out of over 5000 votes.

In my informal Attractive Men Survey –

• Only 8% of respondents picked long hair as being attractive on men.
• In contrast 48% prefer short hair, out of over 1000 votes.

These results are very much in line with the socially accepted norm that women should have long hair, and men should have short hair.

A 2008 poll reported by the Daily Mail also showed similar results, with 56% of men preferring long hair on women (43% prefer long and wavy hair, and 13% prefer long and straight hair). Only 22% of the the men picked a short hairstyle (e.g. classic bob, pixie crop, bowl cut).

A whopping 70% picked long hair as the female hair preference, out of over 5000 votes.

Why Is Long Hair Attractive for Women?

Why Is Long Hair Attractive for Women?

More formal scientific studies also show that hair length is significantly correlated with female attractiveness, when rated by both men and women. Furthermore,

A significant correlation between hair length and age indicated that younger women tend to have longer hair than older women. Hair quality was correlated with women’s health. Consistent with the principle of intersexual selection, the results of this study indicate that hair length and quality can act as a cue to a woman’s youth and health and, as such, signify reproductive potential.

~~[Does women’s hair signal reproductive potential?]

Shiny, strong hair provides a cue to recent good health, developmental condition, and genotypic quality. Tellingly, long hair is often preferred across cultures, and long, lustrous hair is often associated with beauty (Etcoff, 1999).

~~[The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology by David M. Buss]

In short, long hair is often associated with beauty in women because it is highly correlated with youth, health, and reproductive potential.

Long hair is often associated with beauty in women because it is highly correlated with youth, health, and reproductive potential.

Does Hair Matter?

It may be more politically correct to say that “hair does not matter” or that hair length and style is purely superficial.

However, this is clearly not true, as is shown by the scientific studies cited above. This is why hair care products are a multi-billion dollar business. Both men and women are willing to spend large amounts of money to regrow hair, style hair, and keep their hair looking shiny and healthy.

Healthy hair is often seen as a sign of youth, energy, and vitality. A person with a healthy, full head of hair can also appear more confident and successful.

Hair is also seen as a symbol of status and wealth. In the past, rich Roman women wore complex hairstyles that required a lot of labor to maintain. Today, wealthy women and celebrities often set the fashion for everyone else.

Healthy hair is often seen as a sign of youth, energy, and vitality.

Hair and Social Identity

Hair and Social Identity

Hair length and style was often used as an indication of social identity and group membership. Hippies, for example, kept their hair long to challenge the prevailing gender differences of their time. Similarly, the flappers in the 1920s wore their hair short and bobbed, as a challenge against the more traditional roles of women.

Religions may also set rules as to how men and women should wear their hair. Much of what we consider to be socially acceptable hairstyles for men and women today, are likely influenced, in no small part, by these religious rules. Some religions may require a woman to cover her head and hair as a sign of modesty. Hair coverings, however, are not solely for women. Sikh men usually keep their hair uncut, tied in a bun, and covered with a turban.

Religions may also set rules as to how men and women should wear their hair.

Hair Length and Facial Features

Whether a particular hairstyle is attractive or not, depends to some degree on the shape of our face, and on our facial features.

However, a study by Bereczkei and Mesko also show the following –

The present study shows that the physical appearance of long-haired women was rated high, regardless, of whether their facial attractiveness was valued high or low.

~~[Bereczkei T., Mesko N. (2006) Hair length, facial attractiveness, personality attribution: a multiple fitness model of hairdressing. Review of Psychology 13: 1-60]

This study shows that long hair is a preferred feminine trait, irrespective of facial shape and features.

It is not surprising that long hair is a preferred feminine trait irrespective of facial shape and features.

Long Hair or Short Hair?

The polls and scientific studies above show that long hair is a strong feature associated with feminine attractiveness. This is likely because long hair is associated with reproductive success.

The attractiveness of long hair on men is less clear since reproductive health issues are less relevant. As a result, hair length on men is more strongly influenced by political, cultural, religious, and economical factors.

Long hair or short hair on women - which do you think men prefer?

When she thinks about ending the relationship, he will promise to change, promise to be more caring, promise to no longer cheat on her. These offers of reconciliation are frequently too compelling to resist, and she commits to the relationship, possibly even to a marriage.

Once she has committed, she will often convince herself that she made the right choice. After all, she has committed and wants to honor those commitments. She may even go so far as to change her own actions, and her own expectations, in order to maintain consistency with herself and her relationship choices.

Low-balling is a very general strategy that can be applied to a wide variety of circumstances, including to convince a woman to stay in a bad relationship.

Bad Relationships - Do You Stay or Do You Go?

Low-balling – What Is It?

Low-balling someone means you deliberately make them a low initial offer or bid, in order to get them to commit to a transaction. Once they commit, you can later retract your low-ball offer.

Low-balling is a common psychological strategy used by marketers. It is most often associated with car salesmen who get customers to commit to buying a car by first making them a low-ball price offer. Once the customer has committed to the purchase, the car salesman will withdraw his low-ball offer by citing various external factors including an onerous boss, clerical error, bank restrictions, and other semi-plausible reasons.

Why We Stay in Bad Relationships

According to social psychology literature, we like to act in a consistent way with the decisions we have made. Once we have made a commitment, we tend to stick to it, because people who do not stick to their guns are often viewed as weak minded and untrustworthy.

That is why low-balling works in the sale of cars and that is why it works in bad relationships. Even after an abusive partner retracts his previous offers and promises, most of us will still stay in the relationship because we are already committed, both in our mind and in time spent.

Why We Stay in Bad Relationships - once committed, people will go to great lengths to honor their commitments.

Bad Relationships and Women

Low-balling is not just a strategy used by men, it is also used by women.

Many women will devise a range of low-balling techniques, including lying about a pregnancy in order to get a man to commit to a marriage. Just as in the case of the car, once committed, the man will be less likely to renege on the proposal even after it is revealed that she is actually not pregnant.

How Do I Get Out of a Bad Relationship 1

Dealing with Bad Relationships

Initiate a trial period.

If your partner promises to change, and you believe him, then initiate a trial period, instead of making a full commitment. Once you make a full commitment, you will be battling your own preconditioned psychology to stay consistent with that commitment.

By agreeing to a trial period, you are not committing yourself to anything long-term; however, you are also giving your partner a chance to turn over a new leaf. Sometimes, his promises to change may actually be sincere.

How Do I Get Out of a Bad Relationship 2

Get your partner to commit to his promises.

Instead of having the low-ball/commitment strategy work against you, turn it around and let it work for you. Your partner will be more likely to keep to his promises if you get him to commit to them.

While he is making his promises to you, ask him to write it down and sign his name to it. If he is truly sincere, he should be willing to do this. Psychologically, writing down his promises will make a big difference in terms of helping him to keep them.

Social psychology studies on commitment show that we are more likely to keep our promises if we commit to them in writing.

Once there is a written record, there is no way that we can go back and plead ignorance, or twist our previous words around to suit our own purposes. A written record can be shown to others, and is a very powerful tool to motivate us to stay consistent with our previous promise or decision.

In fact, this is a big part of the marriage ritual. It gets us to put our promises down on paper. It also gets us to declare our promises in public, which further strengthens our need to stay consistent with that commitment in the future.

Dealing with Bad Relationships - Get your partner to commit to his promises.

How Do I Get Out of a Bad Relationship 3

Curb your dependence on him.

During the trial period, it is crucial to keep yourself from becoming overly dependent on him, either physically or emotionally.

Another common practice in the low-balling strategy is to strengthen your commitment by increasing your dependence on the item.

In the case of purchasing a new car, the salesman may let you take the car home and let you use it for a few weeks before the transaction is finalized. This encourages you to integrate the car into your life, and become dependent on it. When it comes time to finalize the transaction, you will very likely stick to your purchase even in the face of broken promises, retracted offers, and a higher price.

The same applies in a relationship.

Dealing with Bad Relationships - Curb your dependence on him.

How Do I Get Out of a Bad Relationship 4

Evaluate his progress every day.

Do not let things slide, especially initially. Evaluate the situation every day and consider if he is making the necessary changes that you need. Try to be as objective as possible, and carefully consider your own happiness and quality of life. Bring out the written list and determine if progress has been made on each of the areas. It usually helps to have a second, third, and fourth opinion, so get your trusted friends involved.

If you feel that he is not the right man for you even if he has put in the effort, then it is still best to end the bad relationship and move on.

If you are unsure after the trial period is over, then extend the trial period. However, this time, set up some goals for the end of that period.

You must be strong. If nothing has changed, or not enough has changed, at the end of the second period, then you must walk away from the bad relationship.

The low-ball strategy can be applied in a variety of situations to get you to commit to an action that you otherwise would never agree to. Be on the look-out for it, and for men and women who prey on us by using our penchant for honoring our commitments against us.

If nothing has changed, or not enough has changed, at the end of the second period, then you must walk away from the bad relationship.

That is certainly true. You want to wear something that will fit the occasion that you are attending.

Clearly, turning up in an evening dress to a swim party, or turning up in lingerie to an evening charity event is inappropriate.

However, given a particular event, there are usually a range of dress types that you can go with.

A common, but important event is the dinner date –

To impress your date, should you dress flirty or dress conservative?

How to Dress for a Date

On the surface, it may seem like the seductive dress is the way to go.

After all, isn’t a racy dress what men prefer on their girlfriends? Wouldn’t showing your wonderful aspects make all the other men jealous, and make your date appreciate your significant physical assets?

If this is so, and you have the confidence for it, you would want to go with the maximal skin dress option. Only cover the areas that you absolutely need to in order to slip by nudity laws in public places.

However, dressing too provocatively can definitely backfire on you.

Why?

Isn't a racy dress what men prefer on their girlfriends?

Dressing Sexy – The Bad

Dressing Racy - The Bad.

1. Gives everything away for free, and leaves you with nothing to hold in reserve.

In many ways, dating is a transaction between two parties. You meet in neutral territory, and decide if the looks, personality, money, and whatever else that comes with your date is worth your own time and effort. The date is a success when both parties determine that what is offered is worth further time investment. If you reveal all your physical assets in the beginning of the evening, there will be nothing to fall back on for the rest of the date – except your personality.

Instead of showing your entire hand right off, it may be better to keep certain things a mystery. In this way, you can make the evening more interesting for everyone with light teasing and flirting.

In the movie Memoirs of a Geisha there was a scene where a more experienced geisha was coaching a younger geisha on the art of seduction. She was explaining the right way to pour tea for their gentleman escort. While pouring tea, let your kimono sleeve slide back ever so slightly to reveal the gentle slope of your wrist. Then have it slide forward again so that the instant of revelation is valued even more for its beauty and brevity.

It is human nature to want something more if we cannot have it. If you dress too provocatively, there will be no mysteries left for your date to want to explore.

The trick is to entice by showing some of what he is missing, without actually giving it to him all at once.

A racy dress gives everything away for free, and leaves you with nothing to hold in reserve.

An overly flirtatious dress may lower your general value.

Wearing an overly flirtatious dress may lower your dating score because it implies that you are willing to give away parts of yourself to everyone for free.

This has several bad effects. Most importantly, your date may feel that he has a higher intrinsic value than you do, and therefore you are not really worth his long-term attentions. While he may be interested in what you have to offer, it will be a short term affair because he will always judge himself to be superior to you.

If your dress is too racy, your date may also expect certain after-dinner activities. After all, if others can get an eye-full without even paying for a full dinner, he should be able to get much more after paying for a scrumptious meal, right?

3. May show off your less than desirable aspects.

Racy dresses may sometimes show off more than you want.

None of us are perfect. There are always physical aspects of ourselves that we may not find all that attractive. The art of dressing for a date is to emphasize our attractive aspects, and hide our less attractive characteristics.

In our quest to show skin, we may reveal parts of ourselves that detract rather than add to the whole package. We may reason that this is acceptable, because what it shows is much greater than what it detracts.

However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Your date may think differently.

Short Red Dress or Conservative Red Dress - Good and Bad.

Dressing Conservatively – The Bad

There are some risks to overly seductive dressing, but that does not mean we should go totally conservative either. Here are some reasons why –

There are some risks to overly seductive dressing, but that does not mean we should go totally conservative either.

Dressing conservatively may indicate that you are trying to hide yourself. Perhaps you are not wholly comfortable or happy with the way you look and therefore choose to show as little of yourself as possible.

Your date may see this as a symptom of low self esteem.

2. Dressing conservatively may indicate discomfort with your own body.

Dressing conservatively may also be a result of embarrassment or even shame over one’s body.

Judaeo-Christian religions tend to view the act of lovemaking only as a means to procreation. Indeed many believe that deriving any pleasure from bedroom intimacy is a sin. Given this type of morality, it is not uncommon for some to feel shameful of their nudity. A symptom of this shame is to cover themselves up as much as possible so that there is nothing revealing about their form.

If you dress too conservatively, your date may infer that you may not be skillful or indeed even very interested in being intimate.

3. Dressing conservatively may not catch the eye of your date.

Dressing conservatively may not show yourself in the best light, or may not make you stand out. This may ultimately result in fewer successful dates, and lower your chances of finding a good life partner.

Failed dates or indeed just fewer suitors may also lower your self esteem, which will in turn make it more difficult to have successful dates, and it may become a very unhealthy vicious cycle.

Dressing conservatively may not catch the eye of your date.

How to Dress for a Date

Personally, I feel it is better to err on the side of racy. That way, at the very least, you will stand out.

Get a second, third, fourth or even fifth opinion to make sure that you have not crossed the line from alluringly racy to cheap racy.

Finally make sure to do some homework on your date. Dressing makes a big difference, but being an enjoyable companion for the evening will also count for a lot.

Racy or Conservative - How Should You Dress for a Date?

Fate or destiny refers to a predetermined sequence of events or outcomes.

Belief in fate implies that there is a higher force or being that defines these outcomes for its own mysterious purpose. It could be the God of a religion, some cosmic entity that we have yet to meet, or the consciousness of the universe itself.

Do You Believe in Fate or Destiny?

Why do we believe in fate?

Many of us believe in fate because it offers us comfort and security. When bad events occur, fate tells us that this is all part of a greater plan. This gives our tragedies meaning.

On the other hand, if all outcomes are written in stone, then we have no control of our own destinies. As a result, lack of free will may cause feelings of helplessness, and worthlessness, which can lead to depression. If we cannot change anything, then there is no point in trying, and no ownership of action.

What Fate gives, can be taken away just as quickly.

Why do we believe in fate?

Fate and Free Will

Fate and Free Will

A literal belief in fate usually precludes free-will. However, there are various non-literal interpretations that allow fate to coexist with independent action.

Here are 4 common interpretations of fate –

• Some believe that there are a predetermined finite set of outcomes. Our actions may allow us to change paths, but all the possible outcomes are fated.
• Some believe that what we choose is predetermined. In essence, all the choices that we make are already written in cosmic dust, and part of a larger plan. Although it may seem that we have free-will, our choices are simply an illusion.
• Some believe that fate refers to our inexorable drive to survive. This most basic instinct compels us to act in certain predetermined ways, which may be seen as a type of fate. More generally, our genetic code affects much of our future actions and decisions, and thus our fate.
• Some believe that the entire universe is deterministic, thus everything within it is deterministic as well (i.e., governed by a fixed set of physical laws). Given a set of initial conditions, we can accurately determine the outcomes based on these physical laws. This suggests that all of our fates were set at the start of the universe.

Do you think all of our fates were set at the start of the universe?

When considering fate and free will, it all comes down to level of detail.

If we believe that all our individual choices are predetermined by a deity, then there is only the illusion of free will. If we believe that fate exists at a higher level of granularity, for example through our genetic code or the physical laws of the universe, then there is wiggle room for personal freedom and achievement.

Even if the universe is deterministic, there is randomness at the individual level.

According to several standard interpretations of quantum mechanics, microscopic phenomena are objectively random.^[6] That is, in an experiment where all causally relevant parameters are controlled, there will still be some aspects of the outcome which vary randomly.

…

Individual events that are random may still be precisely described en masse, usually in terms of probability or expected value. … More simply, although a single toss of a fair coin cannot be predicted, its general behavior can be described by saying that if a large number of tosses are made, roughly half of them will show up heads.

~~[ Wikipedia ]

Most of us live short lives when compared to the age and movement of the universe, thus our lives exist in the brief random moments that the universe takes towards its fated end.

When considering fate and free will, it all comes down to level of detail.

The Two Sides of Fate

The Two Sides of Fate.

There are two sides to fate.

On the one hand it gives meaning to our tragedies. On the other hand, it takes meaning away from our accomplishments.

On the one hand it allows us not to take responsibility for our crimes. On the other hand, it takes away our motivation to act, and take control of our own life.

I believe that the universe is governed by a fixed set of physical laws and is deterministic. In this way, fate exists. However, I also believe that there is randomness between the start and end states of a complex system, which allows for free will.

We all know that our life on Earth will end, but it is all the steps in between that matter.

What do you think is fate or destiny?