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You are here: Home / About Relationships / Virtual Love – Is It Real?

Virtual Love – Is It Real?

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by Aya Hajime 15 Comments

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This may sound like a silly question.

Virtual love is virtual by definition, and therefore cannot be real. However, the term is probably a misnomer. Virtual love does not refer to ‘unreal love’ but rather love that develops in a virtual world.

Therefore, the question becomes – can one find love in a virtual world? And if so, are those feelings real or fantasy?

Virtual worlds are fantasy worlds. Some of them are more fantastical than others. Online gaming worlds such as World of Warcraft or Everquest let you become elves, dwarves, or even orcs and let you battle fiercesome creatures including dragons, griffons, and cute little bunnies with wickedly sharp teeth.

Not all virtual worlds are quite that fantastical, some are like HubPages, and they are centered around an activity (e.g. writing) or around a topic (e.g. investing).

What is common with all these online virtual worlds, however, is that they are filled with real people, interacting with each other and forming friendships and possiblyfinding virtual love.

Boy in shirt and jeans in front being hugged by blonde girl with cap. Graffiti background.
Can one find love in a virtual world? And if so, are those feelings real or fantasy?
Source: Young Love Pictures

Is Virtual Love Real? – Online Dating

Boy in shirt and jeans to the left and looking down, girl in cap and overalls leaning back on boy and looking up. Graffiti background.
Is Virtual Love Real? – Online Dating

Let us first consider online dating sites.

Online dating is becoming more and more acceptable today as people become more comfortable with using computers as a means of communication. Electronic mail, instant messaging, and applications such as Facebook have increased the comfort level of talking with family, relatives, and friends online.

As such applications have become more pervasive, the concept of exchanging textual messages with the people we know has become less foreign and more accepted.

The next step then is to use this convenient form of communication to meet new people for the purpose of dating. This is what online dating sites allow you do.

Boy and girl touching heads and walking together on a field of green grass and blue skies.
The big advantage of dating online is that it gives you a large population of people to choose from.

The big advantage of dating online is that it gives you a large population of people to choose from and gives you the ability to ‘test out’ a large number of suitors, Unlike real-world face to face communication, which can be more stressful and demanding, online communication is low-key and gives you time to properly consider and form each of your responses. This will allow you to better impress your date.

Once you have found a likely dating match, you can take the virtual relationship to the next level, which is to set up a face to face meeting.

Clearly love can flourish in an online dating environment. Many people have gone on to have successful relationships and marriages to people that they meet on online dating sites.

The weakness of these online dating sites of course also comes from its key strength. It makes available to you a larger number of people to choose from, but it also does the same for someone who may be emotionally unbalanced. While such individuals also exist in the real world, their sphere of influence is not as large because they only have the people around them to interact with. However in an online dating venue, such individuals can get access to many more people.

Boy in shirt and jeans holding hands with girl in cap and overalls in a green field of grass and blue skies.
Clearly love can flourish in an online dating environment.

Is Virtual Love Real? – Online Communities

However, relationships in more general online communities are a bit different. Strangers meet online, and form bonds, with the expectation that they will never meet in real-life.

In many ways, this last caveat – never meeting in real-life – gives us a lot of freedom. We need not worry about how attractive we are, our age, race, riches,how we dress, or many of the other things that we commonly worry about in real world relationships. We can be whomever we want to be, and explore aspects of ourselves that we may be too shy to reveal in a real world setting.

Some may argue that virtual relationships are more real for this reason.

In virtual worlds we are communicating on a mind-to-mind level without the limitations placed upon us by our physical appearance.

Close-up of boy in shirt holding girl in cap (blue sky background).
n virtual worlds we are communicating without the limitations placed upon us by our physical appearance.

Not surprisingly, this anonymity can also become a weakness. Some people use this feature to present themselves in a way that will engender pity or sympathy from others and then utilize those feelings to obtain monetary or sometimes merely emotional gain.

Many people who have experienced these bad relationships become disillusioned, and prefer to stay away from forming any ties in virtual venues. There is also a very negative social stigma that is attached to those who have been deceived in this way, because they are seen as naive and foolish.

Confidence tricksters exist in the real world as well, but again, their reach is more limited, and it takes greater effort to deceive someone in the physical world where your appearance can be used to judge you.

Boy in jeans and shirt talking to girl in cap and overalls. Graffiti background.
Some may argue that virtual relationships are more real.

Is Virtual Love Real?

Close-up of girl in cap and overalls with hand on boy's shoulder.
Is Virtual Love Real?

I believe that most virtual relationships are real – they exist between two real people communicating across a virtual medium. The words come from them, the feelings come from them, the humor, advice, empathy, and sharing all come from real people.

Not all virtual love will last, just like not all love in the physical world lasts.

In fact, it takes a lot more skill and imagination to foster a lasting relationship in a virtual world because there are few visual cues, and no ability to touch and feel each other.

However, you are more free in a virtual world because you are protected to some degree by the shield of annonimity. In addition, because there are so many people that you can reach, you are more likely to find someone who shares more of your interests than the people you meet in the real world.

Is virtual love real? Yes – in many instances it is.

If you give it the chance, virtual love may even be deeper than real love.

 

Boy in jeans carrying girl in cap on a field of green grass and blue skies.
Is virtual love real? Yes – in many instances it is.

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Comments

  1. Mary says

    May 31, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    We had relations for about a year. He is from Latin America, I am from Eastern Europe. We used to talk long hours by skype, hangsout, whattsapp. … We shared all our moments together- sad, happy. We gave each other words of support. .. Every day I woke up and the first thing I did was taking my smart to read his morning message.
    We were Planning his trip to me. That was really expensive, and we worked with it. Together.
    Happy 11,5 mounths.
    But a week ago he met another woman. Real woman.
    I Do not know how to get used for the new life.
    Our love looked like a virtual game. But my pain is real. I am not able to work… I don’t sleep well. I don’t want to eat.
    Since I understansunderstand that I WILL NEVER feel his hand holding mine, I will never kiss his lips, I will never…. never…, meet him in the street by chance
    guys, take care of virtual love

    Reply
  2. Annalyn Ramos says

    May 6, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Hi! I have the same situation right now, I have chat mates for almost 3 months and I think I gradually fell in love with that guy

    Reply
  3. Baia says

    July 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    yes, it does exist in the world without love we can’t live

    Reply
  4. Sweet Chococarrie says

    May 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Wow as i was reading this hub from the beginning to the end and wanted to write my comment and scrolling down the comment area i saw that i was here before, and that was 2 years ago, what a surprise that i landed here again, so funny, and this time i had a great time reading them slow and sure, very nice hub you wrote in here and you did touched a lot of those many possibilities, the advantages and disadvantages, all i can say is I LOVE IT!! Thanks for the beautiful share @Dear Aya_Hajime

    Reply
  5. Cynicbloke says

    April 28, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I wish i meet that person which i’m dating online through Facebook and text messaging I really love her a lot hope she loves me too,She keeps on telling me that We are friends but I really want her to be with me in real life Hope she loves me too…. By the Way I would recommend u people to view these two movies ‘Catfish’ and ‘Talhotblond’ .. Its been a lot associated with virtual dating/love…. 🙂 I wish HAppy life.. to u all 🙂

    Reply
  6. Sashi says

    October 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Hello Aya can you say what game the pics are from?

    Reply
    • Aya_Hajime says

      October 28, 2011 at 5:42 pm

      Hello Sashi,
      I created the images using Daz 3D models and Carrara.

  7. Mia says

    September 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Good piece

    Reply
  8. fucsia says

    June 28, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Great Hub!
    I think that the strenght of virtual relationships is that two people can comunicate, from the first time, in sincerity way, without constrains like , as you wrote, our aspect, our dress and particulary without fears and insecurities.
    The dangerous is idealize the other person, but this can happen also in the “real” life.

    Reply
    • Aya_Hajime says

      June 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm

      “The dangerous is idealize the other person, but this can happen also in the “real” life.”

      That is a very good point. It is easy to fill in the blanks with rainbows and sunshine because that is how we *want* it to be.
      On the other hand, if we don’t take it too seriously, it can be sometimes be fun to fantasize about our online friends … as long as we recognize it to be fantasy. 🙂

  9. chrissy says

    June 28, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    i have a virtual love, and i think the love is real. its very strange to me. but i can’t help it. im in love.

    Reply
  10. Sweet Chococarrie says

    June 28, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Informative hub and i just like it really 🙂 keep up the good work.

    Reply
  11. Philipo says

    June 28, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    Very lovely.

    Reply
  12. dianacharles says

    June 28, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Nice hub Aya and lovely graphics as usual 🙂 I have often found that virtual friendships build up much faster than real ones…sometimes even turn into love. Perhaps it comes from the the knowledge that we may never meet the person and this makes us more open about facts which we may keep hidden from people who we have to meet on an everyday basis. On Hubpages too I have seen people very open about so many of their problems and asking for help. I wonder if they would do the same with friends and colleagues.

    Reply
    • Aya_Hajime says

      June 28, 2009 at 5:32 pm

      Hi Diana – That is a very good point. People tend to be more open online, I think. For example, there are many very personal hubs. I have also done one really personal one – which I would not be able to express in a face to face setting.
      Thanks Philipo 🙂

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