To all the nasty people,
Nasty people are commonly misunderstood.
They usually get lumped into a single “nasty people” group and that is really unfortunate; for them, as well as for us. Well, mainly for us.
In understanding the nuanced differences among nasty people. we can better handle them, and tolerate them in our midst.
1. Proud Nasty People
Proud nasty people are easy to spot and easy to deal with. They think that being nasty is cool, hip, and clever. As such, they devote their lives to the Order of Nasty; trying out new nasty tactics, searching for victims to be nasty to, and looking for other nasty people who can appreciate their art.
You may pity proud nasty people because you think they are unbalanced, have a nasty past, or a difficult life. But this is rarely the case. Most of them have wonderful childhoods and are enjoying a happy life today.
You may think that they are sick, cruel, or evil; but it is no such thing. It is just a difference in belief systems.
They believe that nastiness results in a better tomorrow, and you believe otherwise.
Because proud nasty people are so comfortable and open with their choice of nasty, you always know where they stand. You can always predict their behavior, and as such, can more easily neutralize them.
2. Closet Nasty People
Closet nasty people know that they are nasty, but are unwilling to admit it to themselves and others.
Their every instinct tells them to be nasty, but they fear those instincts, and fear rejection from society. To compensate, they try to be nice and mimic the actions and words of people they perceive to be nice. However, this is contrary to their nature and all the forced pretension brings great unhappiness and conflict into their lives.
Closet nasty people are more difficult to detect. Some are extremely adept at mimicking niceness and it is difficult to separate the act, from the truth.
But does it even really matter?
Yes, very much so. Pretending to be nice is extremely tiring. It will not be long before a closet nasty cracks, and explodes in a cloud of nastiness. Suffice it to say that you do not want to be anywhere close to that blast radius.
3. Backstabbing Nasty People
Backstabbing nasty people are the most dangerous of all the nasty people.
They are nasty and actually have brains to go along with it. To them, “nasty” is an exciting game and the whole world is their playground.
Backstabbing nasty people perfect the art of being nice because it is part of the hunt. They attract unsuspecting victims into their net by being absolutely charming, and perfectly nice. Once you are caught in their trap, be thankful if they simply swoop in for the kill. More likely, they will string you along and slowly savor the process of slow torture.
Do not mistake the true backstabbing aficionados from their less proficient backstabbing brothers at your workplace. Most “so-called” workplace backstabbers are inept, and are closer to closet nastiness rather than backstabbing nastiness.
True backstabbers never reveal their colors to their victims.
They understand that leaving wronged victims about is bad for business and a very risky proposition. The only time a true backstabber may reveal himself, is right before the kill.
4. Confused Nasty People
Confused nasty are the people who are unsure which path in life they should take.
They are attracted to some of the properties of nice people, but also seduced by the darker side of nasty. People who are confused nasty will ping-pong from one side to the other. One day they may try out nice and the next, they may get enthralled by nasty.
Confused nasty people may stay confused for a very long time. Whether they come up on the side of nasty or the side of nice will depend on the people around them. The good thing about a confused nasty person, is that you can influence him, because he has not made up his mind yet. However, always be careful; he can just as easily be influenced by everybody else.
5. Careless Nasty People
Careless nasty people are just narcissistic people. They are only concerned with their own well-being and success. In their search for money, power, or fame, they may undertake actions that seem nasty, but are actually just fall-out from their pursuit of self.
Careless nasty people are not intentionally nasty. Rather, they just do not care. If they have to resort to nasty to achieve their goals then so be it; if they have to resort to nice, they will do that too. To them, nastiness is not a personal attack, it is just part of doing business.
6. Clueless Nasty People
Clueless nasty people truly believe that they are one of the good guys. They think they are decent, kind, moral, and pretty peachy! They often cannot understand why others react to them in a negative fashion, because in their mind, they are heroes.
Clueless nasty people are often plagued by some internal nastiness. They may be closet racists, sexists, homo-phobics, or harbor some other kind of hatred and fear. However, they do very little self examination, and do not realize this about themselves.
They surround themselves with yes-men so that uncomfortable self-truths can be swept under the rug. In fact, everything is constructed with Sleeping Beauty like precision so that they will never prick themselves on a mirror, see their true image, and fall into a deep swoon.
Clueless nasty people will never admit to making mistakes. Taking that first step, may cause them to slip and fall into the trap of self-examination, and that is a fate worse than death.
7. Not Nasty People
Nasty is a relative concept.
One person’s “nasty” may be another person’s gem. All of us have different nasty tolerances. In online venues be it HubPages, Facebook, Twitter, or somewhere else, it is easy to misunderstand others, and jump to “nasty” conclusions. Frequently, we take offense when none was intended.
How can you tell nasty from not nasty?
- Not nasty people are quick to apologize and try to smooth things over.
- Not nasty people will often use humor to try and diffuse unpleasant situations.
- Not nasty people will try to meet you half-way, or sometimes even more than half-way.
- Not nasty people will find some common ground so that everyone can resolve the misunderstanding in a civilized fashion.
Fixing Nasty People
Nobody’s perfect. Many of us know nasty people, are related to them, have them for parents, or may even be married to them. We may even be one of the “nasties”.
Can we fix nasty people?
The solution to nasty seems to be really simple; indeed it is shouted across the rooftops by many psychologists, fake psychologists, religious gurus, and self proclaimed human experts:
“Just be nice dammit!; even to the nasty people.”
It seems that if we are nice enough, nasty would somehow fix itself.
While true, this simple solution is not precise enough for practical use. More careful analysis reveals that fixing nasty can be achieved through a process called conditioning. All animals, including the human kind, will repeat behaviors that get them good results and reduce behaviors that get them bad results.
To fix nasty people, we simply have to ignore their nasty behaviors, and reward their neutral or positive behaviors.
Can it truly be that simple?
No, it is not simple. To fix nasty people, you need to be extremely patient, extremely observant, and extremely empathic of others. These are all qualities that are difficult to find in modern man.
Fixing nasty people is often a long and painful process, with very few rewards along the way, and no guarantee of success at the end.
Sometimes, it may just be best to avoid nasty and save ourselves.
I regret even saying these things and even thinking these horrid thoughts. I wasn’t being ‘me’. I’m just now knowing what it’s like to feel normal.
As you can see through my experience I remember more nastiness in the last five years than when I was a kid. I hope that one who said ‘I had a thumb up my butt’-he’s very old by the way like in his early 70’s-it’d be kind of nice to see him pass on in the near future-because in reality I have still relived the hurt of this remark and the memory would be gone once he has passed on.
This site so cheered me up. I also have one brother who used to interrogate and intimidate me and trap me in a room and he wanted to be so up in my business. He would track everything I was doing and he would always be ranting on me about something. I can’t believe how some could stand by and would let me be violated like this. I went to a camp once and this roommate I had took a video of me without my permission and had the audacity to ask for money from me. I’m so glad I’ll never see her again. Ever. I was made fun of too even by my dad. I couldn’t count on my mother for support. She just said to me it was my fault that I latched on to this girl. These memories have made me seethe inside. I’ve grown hardened to this world. Nothing seems to cheer me up but a reply. It seems I have no purpose for being here. I feel like saying some horrible language to describe these people. but I won’t.
My heart just burns at the memory of when one of my aunt’s daughters interrogated me at a family reunion about my life of all things! what nerve! she really is evil. I would love to send her a cocoa powder drink with St. John’s wort mixed in.
It is hard at work when you are bullied by your team leader and they are related to the manager. It is als hard when there is no confidentiality in the work place and the team leader jousts laughs at any complaint the tells all your co workers. It’s also hard to sleep when you get home and hard to go back to work the next day. It is hard to be happy and hard to pay your bills if you don’t turn up.
Never thought about nasty categories before. Wish there was an “amusing” category to vote. Up and interesting for sure!
I have dealt a livetime with nasty people. I’m ashamed that they are part of my family. Throughout my life I’ve been ridiculed, humiliated and abused by my family. After years of trying to fix their nastiness and blaming myself for their behaviour, I have finally come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it. The only way for me to not get hurt by them anymore, is to stay far away and have nothing to do with them. Sad, but true. It took me 42 years to see that. Stupid on my part.
the problem with me is that i amkind to people. well as nice as i can be but people take advantage because they know they can jus use me and i don’t mind. but really i do and i hold grudges quite alot ecause you end up hearing comments about yourself from them when you think they like you and idoesn’t matter because you like everyone. but i can be quite evil sometimes,obviously people judge on looks alot but i go really far when i can’t really talk but these are mainly on the people who think they can use me.
Nice hub i had 2 nasty people ganging up on me in a computer game yesterday it was not nice this hub cheered me up
Aya Hajime says
Yeah weak nasty people often hunt in packs because they need to look to each other for validation. Deep down they know what they are doing is wrong but since someone else is doing it, they feel ok doing it too.
Sam Hepburn says
This post really cheered me up, so thank you! I was looking for something about nasty people on forums, because it seems that when I mess up on forums by forgetting to read the rules or making some other faux pas, I get scolded or condescended to-_-;;;;
I’m probably just overly sensitive, but it’s still nice to read a post that calls out all the world’s nastiness.
Hope to be part of the nicer side of the net 🙂
Aya Hajime says
I know what you mean. The same thing happened to me when I first joined HP. 😀
There is usually a lot of Forum drama and emotions tend to run high. Most of the time, I just stay away from the Forums because it sucks up a lot of time and has very few rewards.
I like commenting on hubs a lot more and have met some really cool hubbers that way.
Here is an article I wrote about net negativity that you may enjoy –
Lol, love the hub!
Your essay on nasty people (if that’s what you call it) seems like a good development on the book itself (Nasty People, which I’ve read). You should send the author Jay Carter a link to this and solicit his response. He tends to respond promply, and his email’s easy to find – just Google him!
I’m frognasty 🙂 I trail wet footprints everywhere and am often semi-inbretiated. Apart from that … I’m a paragon of virtue …
*wanders off to click the green button … *
Aya Hajime says
lol frognasty – that has a kick to it!
We all love you – nasty footprints and all! What was the deal with MSN? Is that your favorite hang-out? Can I have a link to your lily-pad? 🙂
Sorry I went MIA yesterday. My dogs demanded tummy rubs and I had to comply. It is a sad life being a dog butler 🙂
Hey! I did not get an e-mail alert when you published this hub. That nasty mailing system!
I have met many nasty people. Actually we should thank them for being nasty. The definition of decency is measured by how many degrees kind people are less nasty than the nasty ones!
I have encountered nasty domestic animals too!
Aya Hajime says
I absolutely love the way you think. I remember when I was in college, I would always try and pick classes that had the lazier students 😉 Gotta love grading on a curve!
And there are no nasty domestic animals; just nasty domestic animal owners 😉 *thud thud thud*!
I only had a cat. It was “brush brush brush!” and “purrrr! purrrr! purrr!”
queen cleopatra says
I don’t know why but I always have different kinds of nasty people surrounding me wherever I go. Recently, I have this co-worker who falls under the ‘backstabbing nasty’ though the brains didn’t go with it ;). I didn’t try to do some fixing because it’s just a waste of time. The fixing must start from within. Thank you for a very nice read 😀
Aya Hajime says
Yikes Cleopatra, those backstabbing nasties are the worst. That is why I left my former workplace. I got too many back-wounds and could not sleep or even sit well. I started to go shopping for Tasers and decided that perhaps it may be time to leave. 🙂
Cris A says
I never knew that there are various types of nasty. I thought nasty is nasty. But I am forewarned. Okay, now I’ll try to classify which kind of nasty I am! 😀
Aya Hajime says
ahh yes, nasty people often get angry at me for miscategorizing them, so I decided to create this free information service hub to help everyone else.
It is too late for me, I already have lots of nasties on my tail; but if I can save others then at least some good will have come out of all the nasty 🙂
Damit Aya! According to your guidelines I am not nasty, which totally sucks! Being nice is boring, I am determined to try harder. I will keep working at it. I guess it is back to the forums for me eh? 🙂
Maybe you could make a profile for all of us wannabe nasty people. 🙂 Sorry, that I swore. I apologize if what I said offends anybody. Can we still be friends? 🙂 🙂 🙂
O.K O.K I admit it. I think I am a clueless nasty. Somebody Pleeeaasse influence me. 🙂 P.S I Like Billy Bob Thornton does that make me nasty?
Aya Hajime says
lol Whikat – yes “the Forums” is a good nasty teacher, but as queen cleopatra says, “true nasty” must come from within. Even Billy Bob Thornton can’t help you there 😉
to get things done faster at work, I wish I could be nasty in the ways you speak of, but I am only nasty for janet jackson
Aya Hajime says
lol. I was just watching Spiderman 3. It kindda rocks to be nasty – at least for the short term. Ah, happiness, so fleeting.
Yeah, workplace is often filled with too much nastiness – and not the Janet Jackson kind. Sometimes, I truly wonder why.
Great hub! I’m not sure which kind of nasty I am, but it’s probably the careless nasty. I’m glad I now know all the distinguishing characteristics of the different flavors of nasty.
Aya Hajime says
Dude – you are nasty quick! That is the best kind of nasty.